I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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