I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
