i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We need a shit load of segways right now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
