saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
