She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
