He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
