There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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