I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
