so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
