The maid of honor just puked.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
