I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
