Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
