I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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