Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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