my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i've created a new STD.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm always down for nudity.
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