Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
