i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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