420 ftw
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
operation have a gay friend backfired
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
