Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
