at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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