glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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