I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
