turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
