it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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