we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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