Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
