4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
