I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
