Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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