i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
