He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
