with your own penis?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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