i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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