i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
