Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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