I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
