Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
