I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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