the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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