the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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