I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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