Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
