Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
