Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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