Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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