if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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