There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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