You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
