It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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