I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
