And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
