you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
